What Happens When a Coach Has a Human Moment.

​Can I Be Honest With You?
When I first started my blog my goal was simply to share my journey.  Ups and downs, good and bad, my wins and my misses.  That’s it, that’s all.  Now I’ve come a long way since I first started my journey.  So far that I get to now actively help others on their journey to having joy in their life.  I get to combine my experience and the certifications I’ve gotten along the way and be of service.  And I love doing what I do!  But, at the end of the day this blog is still about my journey, about sharing what I learn as I learn it.  And when you’re on a journey like this it doesn’t really ever end.  The learning, growing, and changing never stops.  The discovery of who you are, and who you were, and who you’re becoming…that’s an ongoing process.  So today, I’m going to share with you one of my misses.
 
It's not a loss, I don’t judge myself for it.  (Not gonna lie, the freedom from my own judgement makes me want to cry happy tears.  That was my biggest win.  I don’t always sustain it, cuz habit energies and limiting beliefs don’t just disappear in an instant, but it’s very rare that it happens.  But I digress.)  So yeah, I’m human and I humaned last week.  I hit a wee bump that knocked me of course and didn’t deal with it as well as I could have.  But, with said lack of judgement, I can look at it and say, ok cool I’ve got some room for improvement there.  It’s done, can’t change it but I can get honest with myself and go from there.  So, here we go, ready for a peek behind the curtain at what happens when a transformation and empowerment coach ignores her pain?  Let’s get raw.
 
So There I Was
I was driving down the street the other day and I looked over and out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw my ex.  My heart fell into my toes for a split second and I turned to look at my mom and told her what I thought I saw.  She then told me she thought she had seen him the previous week.  Then, she kept bringing him up.  And I could tell it’s all just a bit too fresh still for me to want to dive into it, because honestly I’m just trying to get passed it at this point.  I’d like to let go of him completely.  And while the way he ended things gave me absolutely zero closure and way more questions than answers, I’ve been doing better and better with said letting go.  But, and it’s kind of a big but, I haven’t been doing so great about being honest about the pain.
 
Don’t get me twisted, I’ve taken moments to cry, moments to honor it, moments to acknowledge it.  But I never admitted how much it actually hurt me.  Let me tell you right now, you HAVE to feel it to heal it.  And I was so inclined to keep following my joy that I didn’t set myself up for healing and for letting go.  So I saw the person that looked like him, talked about him on a surface level with my mom, and tried to let it go because Friday’s are not days you feel like examining your bruised heart and ego.  Let me tell you right now exactly what I did wrong just in case you haven’t caught on yet, and if you haven’t no judgment because clearly I didn’t either.  The second I felt my stomach drop, and later on when I pushed tears aside, I should have made some time for myself.  I didn’t and so what did I do…. I lashed out at people who had absolutely nothing to do with my pain. 
 
Woops, I Had a Human Moment
Yeah, that’s right.  Hey habit energy, hey coping mechanism, hey low vibe energy.  None of you serve me but oh the righteousness.  I had power, I could be in control of those situations.  Hurt people hurt people and oh man, I tried not to until I didn’t try not to.  Then, the next day I finally decided to admit that I’ve still got pain around the breakup.  And shout out to my bestie who pulled out all the very best skills she has for being with honest with me, and making me be honest with myself.  I let it all out, and here's where having somebody you trust (be they paid professional or not) comes in handy, with her help in a way that I wasn’t able to do by myself.  Sometimes it takes somebody else asking questions and making stellar points for you to finally get to the source of the hurt and let it out.
 
I grieved, I cried, I spoke my truth even though it wasn’t what I wanted to be feeling.  Because I’m a spiritually advanced chick who helps other people find joy, I don’t want to still be hurting 4 months after a breakup.  But how I ever thought I could heal if I didn’t at least admit my feelings before working on them is beyond me.  I needed somebody to help me understand that, and give me the safe space to admit them.  So silly really, I am that safe space for people and didn’t recognize that is exactly what I needed.  It's like looking in a mirror and not recognizing yourself.  Oh well, still not judging myself for it.  And I’m glad the cry fest happened.  I needed that release, and it felt damn good to have it.  Now I get to work on the healing part a bit more, but you better bet I’ll be honest about my pain now.
 
Short Story Long
As long as we don’t cling to, and form an unhealthy attachments to, our pain it’s perfectly ok to feel it.  Because if we don’t, we could end up lashing out at people that just simply don’t deserve it.  Like I did.  Don’t be a me!  Do what I say not what I do, lol.  Just in case you were wondering, I have since reached out to the person I was a bitch to and apologized.  Because I own my shit.  Can’t change it, but I can apologize for it.  Luckily for me, the people I now have in my life are pretty epic people and forgiveness comes easily to them.  So yeah, I was human over the weekend.  I was not embracing the best parts of me, hiding from the ugly, avoiding the pain.  And guess what, there will be times I’m human again.  Times I’m a little less spiritual coach and a little more raw.  That’s ok, those moments will help me grow.  And remember how I said I don’t judge myself?  Old me would have, and I would have been a mess this week.  But this newest and best version of myself, oh she’s thriving.
 
PS: If you are wanting to get to a place where you have more joy and less judgment in your life here’s the link to 10 Minute Mini-MasterClass on releasing your blocks to happiness.  It’s Free, and you absolutely deserve to be living a life that brings you joy.