The IG Post That Got Me Thinking

My Failed Relationship – A Cautionary Tale
I saw this post while scrolling through IG this weekend.  And I shared it to my stories and captioned it with, “I waited to let go of somebody that didn’t serve me and it was ultimately harder on me when it ended badly”.  Now, don’t get me twisted, I got A LOT out of staying in that tumultuous relationship.  It helped shape me into the entrepreneur and coach I am today.  The lessons were priceless.  I wouldn’t change what I did, but I have learned something else rather invaluable in hindsight that I get to take with me in the future.  The emotional fallout of clinging to an attachment, be it to a person, job, house, etc, is far greater than the pain you’ll feel if you let it go when intuition tells you it no longer serves you.  I know for a fact that if I had honored my doubts and intuition when that man first started showing me through actions that he wasn’t going to be there for me as a true partner regardless of what his words said, I would have been saved some fairly devastating and incredibly painful heartbreak. 

So why didn’t I? Well, there were a few shining moments in that relationship that helped show me what real love looks like.  For the first time in my adult life I found out what it felt like to be cherished, appreciated, accepted for me, loved, and valued. Granted, I can’t tell you if he truly felt that way because to this day his feelings remain a mystery to me.  But I felt that from him in the moment and, I think, the fear of the pain that comes with losing that is why I stayed in it longer than I needed to. I knew leaving him would leave an empty place in my heart.  Getting used to being single again after so many years would be uncomfortable.   I’d have to accept that I had put the power to make me happy into his hands and out of mine, and there was disappointment in acknowledging it that I really didn’t want to feel.  So, I stayed.  I stayed in a relationship that did not serve me, that left me lonely and unsure, and then got ripped cruelly away from me in a way that rocked my world.
 
Fear is like Fertilizer
I could have avoided a lot of pain if I hadn’t been afraid of a little of it.  Like I said, it helped shape me and still teaches me to this day, so I don’t regret it.  But I’ll be honest, I still have occasional fallout from it that I am working on.  There are still moments of doubt and judgement that I know I absolutely don’t deserve to experience.  And you can bet your bottom dollar that in the future I will absolutely embrace a little pain to save myself from agony like that.  Because while I accept pain as a part of the human experience, it never has to be that crippling.   If we just acknowledge that pain will happen, if we embrace it as the learning tool and presenter of opportunities that it is, instead of fear it…we will be far better off in the long run.

Because here’s the thing, we’re so tied to this perspective of emotional pain being bad, as something that detracts from life, that we avoid it as if our life depended on it.  When really, it is one of our best teachers.  When I look back to jobs I didn’t like but stayed at only to get fired…ugh I knew but I let fear keep me in it.  Because being broke and jobless is scary.  And yet, my few times on unemployment back in the day were some of the best I’ve ever had.  I thrived.  Or, as somebody who suffers from anxiety, I’ll avoid driving or going to a store solo because anxiety is scary.  And yet, 99% of the time I do those things I’m absolutely fine and feeling empowered just for having done them.  We run from the pain when, half the time it isn’t even painful and the other half the pain is nowhere near as bad as you think it will be or that it ultimately ends up being by having avoided it in the first place. 
 
If You Like It Buy 3 Pairs
So yes, I’ll also be applying this to every aspect of my life, not just relationships. After all, if you find a pair of flattering jeans you buy 3 pairs right?  Also, keep in mind the other aspect to this.  If we’re so busy being afraid of what the future holds, we’re robbed of enjoying the present moment.  And we absolutely deserve to enjoy it, all of it!  The relationship, the job, the friendship, the trip… all of it.  The good days, the bad days, because yes on the journey to joyful you will still have both.  The downs in life are still very much serving a purpose.  The contrast of the ups and downs make the ups so much more beautiful.  So we should be enjoying it all! As long as it is serving our highest good. 

How do we know if it’s serving our highest good?  Well ask yourself some questions and answer them honestly from your heart.  Does it light you up inside, does it make you want to be the best version of yourself, does it benefit you and those around you?  Does it add to your life, or does it diminish it?  How does it make you feel in the long term not just the short term.  Do the positives outweigh the negatives?  At the end of the day, you know.  Sure the questions help, but your intuition and emotions guide you fairly accurately.  I can honestly say mine have never been wrong.  Sure, I’ve ignored them, but they’ve never been wrong.
 
That’s It, That’s All
I mean there’s really not a lot more to say, this is one of those blog posts where social media got my brain going and I wanted to share my thoughts. End of the day, I bet you can go through your mental rolodex of memories and pick out a few instances where you decided to cling to something that didn’t serve you out of fear of the pain of letting it go.  I know I’m not the only one, hell that IG post wouldn’t be there if I was!  You don’t even have to admit it to anybody other than yourself.  And please do not judge yourself for having done it!!!  We are human, we try to avoid pain even when the pain can heal us because that’s how we’ve been conditioned.  To look to instant gratification, not life lessons through painful moments.  What matters the most is we recognize it and try to do better the next time.  Because all anybody can do is their best.  What do you think?  How many times have you avoided letting something go just to avoid the pain of its loss? 
 

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