Shedding Anxiety’s Grip on Loving My Life

From time to time, I get the feeling it’s time to open myself up, lay myself bare, and show you what life looks like for me.  It’s the best way I can think of to show you that living a life of joy is possible even when your life isn’t “perfect”.  Even when you aren’t where you thought you’d be or wanted to be or even the dreaded should be.  This post is one of those times because I feel like the universe gave me a little wisdom that won’t just help me, but will help you too.  So, let’s do this. 
 
Origin Story
If you aren’t familiar with my origin story, or even if you are and just forgot, it’s important to know that around the time I turned 20 I got some pretty gnarly anxiety.  The easiest way to describe it is to say I suddenly had agoraphobia, the simplest way to describe it is to say my fight or flight response went haywire.  This took me from a wildly independent woman to a person who felt dependent upon her friends and family for the simplest tasks.  Driving gave young me joy and freedom, suddenly it was the most terrifying experience in my life.  Grocery shopping used to be fun, suddenly being trapped in a store was the stuff of nightmares.  Needless to say, it cut me to my core and changed me in a way that brought me to one of the lowest places in my life for a really long time.  20 years later depression was the only other thing I felt besides anxiety.  I didn’t want to live that way anymore and only saw 2 choices, end it all nor change my life.

I hope you aren’t horribly surprised to hear that I opted for the changing my life path. I mean, I’m writing this so it shouldn’t be a surprise. (I’m winking cheekily at you right now.)  I made my choice, a decision that I felt to my core, and knew my life was going to get better and become one I loved.  I didn’t know how, or what it would look like, I just trusted that it would.  And it did.  From the day I made that choice depression was gone.  I may have a down day or experience sadness, but it doesn’t ever become that all-encompassing pit of despair that I had been wrapped in before.  If you don’t know me that well, you may be hoping that this is where I share that I’m also anxiety free.  Well guess what?  I’m absolutely not.  But before you get too disappointed let’s take a look at where I’m at with that shall we?  (Just say yes and keep reading because I promise you’ll like where this is going!)
 
Sometimes Less is Awesome
So, before I decided to change my life I couldn’t do the following things without abject terror: Drive by myself, shop by myself, be in crowded places, etc.  Now I’m not saying I can do all of those things, but I have absolutely made progress on them.  I drive a little bit, pulling over to take a break when I need to, I don’t immediately panic if I get separated from whoever I went grocery shopping with, I walk to town and go to the bookstore and run smaller errands solo, I can go to concerts with friends, and I even managed to fly to Dallas to see my bestie all by my lonesome (I’m incredibly proud of that btw).  Those might seem like small things to you, but to me they are herculean strides in the right direction.  I know that as long as I keep treating myself as worthy, deserving, and capable I’ll keep making progress.  I’ll keep meditating, feeding myself well, prioritizing my mental health, get good sleep, hydrate.  I know it’s inevitable that I’ll be the freest me I can be.  So what’s the trick and why am I sharing this?  So glad you asked.

Thanks to a bevy of “teachers” I put my attention on the things that light me up and bring me joy.  I learn things and I apply them and I see progress.  But I never give anxiety my focus unless I’m smack dab in the middle of an anxiety attack.  Well, I try not to and have about a 90% success rate.  This is not a pie in the sky mentality, it’s not willful naivety or ignorance, it’s not denying anything.  It’s realizing that right now in this moment there’s not a lot I can do about it.  It is, it exists, and me thinking about it non-stop isn’t going to suddenly free me from the burden that is anxiety.  In fact, it will just give it more juice and why would I want that?  So, I focus on things I can control, I focus on things that light me up and satisfy me to the core.  And as I do that, subtle progress is made.  And it may be baby steps, but that’s still progress.  Other bonus, when my focus is on joy and satisfaction, the other areas of my life get fuller and richer and filled with abundance too.  I’m not bragging, I have a nifty point to make!
 
What’s The Point of it All?
Here we go, are you ready, it’s time to bring it all home.  Recently I had an opportunity arise that I didn’t want to turn down even though the anxiety symptoms that I do experience might make it difficult.  And just like that I was in this weird place of gratitude mixed with trepidation/disappointment.  When I tell you that the habitual energy wanted back in so bad, well it’s an understatement.  I could hear the “what’s the point, you’re useless, you don’t deserve this if you can’t even do that” self-talk building up to make an encore appearance.  I could feel sadness.  But I stopped it, because I recognized that it simply isn’t who or what or where I am anymore.  That’s an old version of me, one who clearly wasn’t very kind to herself.  So I stopped the ugly thoughts and self-talk but I was still left with a “how am I going to take advantage of this gift I’ve been given by the universe?” kind of feeling.  I was still focused on the “I have anxiety and it makes me less than capable” reality.

Well, the universe is perfect.  And I didn’t have to wait long for the gentle and loving reminder that I needed.  I was listening to Abraham Hicks in the shower (no judging please, I love listening to stuff that lifts me up when I start my day) and I was reminded that it’s none of my business.  I have a way right here and now to utilize this opportunity in a small way and I’m 100% ready and willing for more ways to flow to me.  So, my focus shouldn’t be on what’s wrong with me (PS nothing is but ego is a real bitch and sometimes says otherwise), but instead on how amazing that this opportunity even flowed my way to begin with, that I’m clearly aligning and allowing abundance to flow into my life in a multitude of fun and unexpected ways.  I’m thriving and before this little hiccup I was reveling in how blessed I am.  I have joy in my every day, I have passion and purpose, I have laughter and friendship.  Anxiety didn’t keep any of that from me because I am not anxiety.  So I’m ready for the good stuff to flow in, I’ll enjoy waiting for it, and I’ll keep getting ready to get ready.
 
So What Was That Point?
Ok to be fair there’s two points here, let me start with the biggest one first.  Just because your life isn’t where you thought you’d be, or wanted to be, doesn’t mean you can’t love it.  Just because you “have a problem” or there’s “something wrong with you” doesn’t mean wonderful won’t flow your way.  My life is full, sure I may still experience anxiety, but I still love my life.  Opportunities present themselves to me constantly.  I have made so much progress and found so much fulfillment in just a few short years.  I’m wildly happy with where I’m at in life and I know it’s just going to keep getting better and better.  Which brings me to my next point.  Don’t limit yourself, don’t put conditions or requisites on happiness, joy, and loving your life.  There are none.  You are allowed to work with what you’ve got and enjoy it.  Remove the “I’ll be happy when” statements from your life and try replacing them with “I am happy when” statements.  There’s a peace that comes with accepting what is and not fighting it.

If you want help learning how to love the life you have and allowing all the good stuff to flow to you reach out and I'll help!  If you just want some inspiration and motivation while you figure out how to do it solo, I got you there too over on IG and TT.  And if you want a starting point, why not try my 10 Minute Mini-Masterclass to release your blocks to happiness?  In it I give a couple of perspective shifts that will help you love the life you have even while you're creating a better one.