Permission Granted to Be Selfish

If there is one thing that I wish I could scream at the top of my lungs until people believed it, it’s that you have to get “selfish”.  Now don’t get me twisted…you aren’t actually being selfish here.  But it sure as hell feels like it after you’ve spent your entire life so far being taught that we have to put others first.  That you have to consider other’s feelings over yours.  That you’re responsible for making your family, friends, loved ones, society, coworkers, etc happy.  We were trained to think that putting ourselves first, and making sure we were healthy and happy and whole was selfish.  Spoiler alert… IT’S NOT FUCKING SELFISH!
 
Here's the thing, there’s a reason you have to put your oxygen mask on first in the event of an emergency.  There’s a reason you have to fill your own cup first, it’s so that when it runneth over then you can help fill other cups.  If you want to that is.  You cannot fill anybody’s joy cup if your well is empty.  You can’t.  And if you’re tempted to come at me with “Oh but Lindley my kids, I don’t have a choice”...  Miss me with your bullshit.  Kids are sponges, they soak up everything around them.  So what example do you want to set?  Run yourself ragged pleasing and caring for others until you’re miserable?  Or make yourself a priority because you are worthy and you deserve it. 
 
Wanna Know a Secret? 
Everything you do, everything you are, you in your entirety and all that encompasses has a ripple effect.  You radiate your energy, you send out vibrations at the same level that you’re vibrating at.  Think I’m lying?  Think about being around somebody who is happy and laughing hysterically… you can’t help but smile after a minute right?  Now think about being around somebody who is in a foul mood and doesn’t care if everybody knows it, you start feeling icky after a while right?  So what ripple do you want to send out, what energy do you want to flow into the world, what frequency do you want to vibe at? 
 
Now I know that we’re co-creating with millions of other people so we can’t always control what’s happening in our life.  And sometimes you get thrown a curveball that sucker punches you and leaves you struggling.  But while we can’t control anything around us, we can control how we react.  We get to choose what we think, what we believe, how we feel.  We don’t think we do because we’ve been told otherwise so long we think it’s fact, but we actually do get to choose.  And yes, I’m fully aware that sometimes it can be rough.  But as long as you reach for a better feeling thought, or thinking about something else altogether that does make you feel good, you’ll quickly realize you’re way more in control than you ever thought.   It just takes practice and dedication.
 
Practical Application
So practice that and follow your joy as often as possible.  Want an actionable exercise to get you started?  I’m going to give you an exercise straight from my online course, Journey to Joyful.  Make a joy list.  I want you to write down everything that truly brings you joy.  It can be tiny and insignificant, like making a cup of tea, or it can be big and wondrous, like going to your favorite vacation spot.  The sky is the limit, the world is your oyster, as long as it lights you up inside and brings you joy it goes on the list.  Then once you have your list do one thing a day off that list.  And if going to Paris is on your list and that’s not feasible, plan a trip to Paris.  Pick your restaurants, museums, hotels, etc.  If shopping for a new wardrobe is on the list but you don’t have the cash, go online, fill your cart, then leave it.  Or maybe it’s something easy like snuggling with your dog.  And while you’re doing that thing (or more if you’re an overachiever and in this we love that for you!) say out loud.  Look at this, I DO have joy in my life.  Every time I “inset thing here” I’m truly happy.  How lucky am I!  Bonus points if you tell somebody you’re doing something and it’s bringing you joy.  Don’t have anybody to tell?  Tell me!  Shoot me an email or comment on this post, and say I just did the thing and it brought me such joy.  And I’ll celebrate that with you, because how awesome is that!!  Yesterday you were thinking you didn’t have joy, couldn’t find it, were a failure and today you’ve found some joy.  That’s epic!!!
 
Anyway, the moral of the story is, making yourself, your joy, and your mental health a priority, is NOT being selfish.  You’re doing yourself, and everybody your ripple touches, a great service.  And I need you to repeat this after me: Other people’s happiness is not my responsibility, only my happiness is.  Please though, don’t be a dick.  That’s not fun.  Now go forth and do a joyful thing!  Oh, and happy New Year!!