Are You Asking For Permission to Live Your Life?

​The Birthday Conundrum
I had a client recently who was stressed to the max about her upcoming birthday.  She kept wavering back and forth between ideas of what she should do.  She had years and years of conditioning that told her she needed to have a party, it had to have a theme, and she had to be in charge of making sure all her guests were fed and happy.  And every time she’d start to think about it, she’d cry.  There was nothing about the idea of having that kind of celebration that brought her joy, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that that’s what she should be doing.  Well, I asked her what would happen if she didn’t do that.  If she scaled it way back and kept it simple.  Before any ideas started flowing you could see the weight come off her shoulders and the light come back into her eyes.  It was as if she needed permission to do her birthday in a way that felt good for her and her only. 

She had an amazing birthday, in fact she managed to stretch it into a whole birthday weekend.  It was filled with little moments here and there that excited her.  She keeps trying to give me the credit, telling me it wouldn’t have happened without me, but I can’t accept that.  I just asked her what would happen if she didn’t do what she thought she should and instead did what she wanted.  The rest was all her.  She’s the one who absolutely owned celebrating her birthday in ways that brought joy to her.  She’s the one who decided nothing was going to bring her down because it wasn’t about anybody else but how she viewed it.  And in doing so, she came alive and had a magical weekend full of planned and impromptu moments that lit her up inside.  So, I have to ask you, what do you need to give yourself permission to do?
 
What If?
We humans have somehow conditioned ourselves to seek permission and guidance on how we should live our lives.  But here’s the thing, if you’re using the word should, it’s not the word want.  In fact, it’s usually the opposite.  When I say or hear the words “I should” there’s this implied guilt as if the sentence that's really coming out is “I really don’t want to but society/family/friends/religion/social media/ etc. says that’s the right way to do it”.  Is there anything more burdensome than that?  Where’s the joy?  The freedom of choice?  The inspiration?  The fun?  “I should” feels like you’re donning the heavy mantle of responsibility or conformity.  But here’s the thing, we’re all unique individuals so why would somebody else’s way be the right way for you?  Did you live an identical life with identical trials and tribulations?  Were your challenges and struggles the same as theirs?  Was each and every success in your life a mirror of theirs?  I highly doubt it.  Not that there aren’t similarities,  you can have some pretty close parallels in life, but your life is not theirs, their way may not work for you, and vice versa.  

Point being, can we maybe stop with the “I should” and start embracing the “What if”?  What if I tried it but did it my way?  What if I did something totally different?  That’s how LBL Week came about, and the amazing results I’ve seen from that are proof that doing something in a way that feels good to you, instead of how everybody else says it should be done, is a pretty amazing way to do life.  And yes, that even means following my advice or guidance.  Honestly that’s why I love being a coach, I’m asking you questions that make you look at living your life in a way that works for your unique set of circumstances and personality traits and tastes.  I can advise til the cows come home, but my favorite thing to do is ask a question that wakes you up and gets you excited to try something your way.  Let’s throw off the burden of should and start living life through the lens of what if!
 
Still Need it?
Ok my little permission goblin, still craving the acceptance and “rightness” that comes with permission?  That’s understandable.  Not everybody can be a "forgiveness instead of permission" person, at least not right off the bat.  I’m going to ask you a question that might leave you feeling off kilter here.  What if you were the person you started to get permission from?  It’s your life, your happiness, your gut instinct telling you what is right for you.  So why are you asking for anybody else’s permission?  If that sounds scary to you let me put it this way.  If you’re worried that somebody in your life won’t like you, love you, approve of your choice, respect you, etc... are they really somebody that you want in your life?  Is their approval really necessary?  They don’t have to experience your emotions and feelings, so why do they get a say?  The people who truly love you unconditionally, the ones you want in your front row, they’ll support you no matter what.  They may not understand you, heck they may even have doubts, but if they love you, they will 100% support you. 

I know that’s scary to think about.  Because there’s likely somebody in your life that won’t, and the thought of losing them is terrifying.  But there’s probably somebody else you can think of that absolutely will, and thinking of that support feels great.  Which one feels better, and which one do you want more of?  And guess what…the person who will support you…you don’t even crave their permission you're just excited to share your ideas with them.  And maybe that’s what it’s about.  Maybe what your craving isn’t permission so much as support.  So YOU be the person that gives you permission and let your front row peeps be the ones to give you support.  Don’t worry they’ll support you win or lose, achieve or fail. 
 
Permission Granted
Once you start giving yourself the permission granter status for a while, you’ll suddenly realize how free you feel.  You’ll be living life on your terms.  It might seem like that’s a lot of pressure but along with giving yourself permission, you can also grant yourself forgiveness.  You can also be your biggest cheerleader, that’s my favorite part.   So, celebrate your birthday the way you want to, not the way you think you should.  Try the career change that has been calling you, don’t stay in the job you think you should.  Ask out that sexy crush now, don’t wait until they notice you first. Love yourself, love your life and do you baby!!  And if things get scary, ask for help.  There’s no reason to do it alone, after all you have that amazing front row and if you can’t think of anybody who should be there…you have me.  I believe in you and just in case you still need it…consider this your permission to start giving yourself permission.  Want some more reminders, follow me on IG and TT.  Want some one on one support, inspiration, and cheerleading shoot me an email and let’s do this.