What To Do When You Catch Yourself in an Old Version of Yourself

That’s Not Me Anymore
I went through a bumpy couple of weeks.  I didn't worry about it at first, thinking it was just a bit of a funk that would pass.  As a woman I generally go straight to blaming moods on hormones and know it's temporary.  I wasn't sad or angry, there was nothing wrong per se, I just felt a little off center.  Then I caught myself engaging in behaviors and actions that weren't serving me.  But it was a subtle catch, not a concrete sign that maybe I should pay attention.  Until I woke up one morning and the thoughts, feelings, and self-talk I was experiencing were straight out of an old version of me, one that I know myself not to be anymore. And I realized it was time to do something about it.
 
I knew that when I first decided to change my life it started with a soul-deep choice, so perhaps that was what was needed here.  It was time to make another choice that began deep within me and resonated to every part of the universe.  The kind of choice there's no going back from.  So, I chose myself.  I chose to make myself, my mental health, my well-being, my connection to the universe, my ability to lead with love and follow my joy a priority.  I will never again be that person who falls into a pit of despair thinking they are worthless and a drain on their loved ones.  I will never again allow myself to drift along lost and alone aimlessly surviving life.  Because I know that, I chose to recommit to myself and the effects were instantaneous.
 
Habitual Energies R Us
To be fair, I don't think I could become that past version of myself again if I wanted to.  The changes I've made to myself have altered the fabric of who I am on a fundamental level.  The authentic me has seen the light and won't be shoved away under heaps of self-pity, self-loathing, anger, resentment and fear to let ego take the lead again.  But what was surprising to me was that clearly there are still some habitual energies lingering.  Ruts that ego carved into me so deeply that it wasn't hard to fall back into them again.  And I think that's an invaluable thing to discover because now that I know they’re still there I'll be aware.  
 
Habitual energies can, and do, rear their ugly head sometimes.  They're old patterns of thought, old behaviors, old defense mechanisms, that we at one point held tightly to us.  Comforting in their familiarity, protecting us from being hurt by others, regardless of the fact that they don't serve us and actually cause us to do more harm to ourselves than anybody else ever could.  Seeds of pessimism and negativity that we never realized we nurtured and grew.  Pity parties, sob stories, placing blame externally, victim/victor mentality monologs, our focus staunchly on the problem, on what's wrong, on what we don't like or want and never on the solution. Oh, I remember those days, I was so entrenched in them and talking to myself so ruthlessly that I was ready to end it all.  So, to experience anything like that when you feel like you've healed it all...it can be jarring.  But it DOES NOT have to derail you.
 
Out Damn Spots
So how do you keep it from derailing you? First things first, you recognize it.  Easy enough when it's obvious and your actions, thoughts, and self-talk are making you feel bad.  But what about if it's subtle?  Personally, I won't take a funk, or just feeling a little off, lightly anymore without doing an internal scan to see if old thought and behavior patterns aren't bubbling up.  Because, as I learned the other week, it can start off so subtly you don't recognize it.  Just not feeling quite right, not being as excited by where you’re at and where you’re going, or maybe something unexpected happens that you handled ok in the moment but still don't feel recovered from.  Check in with yourself.  I promise it's worth it.  Catching it early before it can snowball makes it so much easier to deal with.
 
Second, please forgive yourself and leave the negative self-judgment aside.  You are human, you are healing, you’re undoing conditioning that it took you how many years to accumulate?  Shit happens my friend, and we are not perfect and that's ok.  Because you can use this to shine a light in areas where you have room to grow, learn, change and improve. Which leads me to step three... celebrate that the contrast between this experience and your high vibing set point gives you the gift of clarity, it helps define your direction and focus.  It allows you to clearly see what you do want.  It provides motivation to be solution focused, to let a joyful life lead your actions and thoughts.  That contrast… well without it would the joy be as sweet? Spoiler Alert, nope it really wouldn't. 
 
Last but Definitely not Least
Use it, make it serve you!!!  Use it to light a fire under your ass that gets you back on track, back on the right path.  Nobody enjoys feeling upset in any form.  So acknowledge it, and thank it for showing you that you have a little work to do.  It showed you that it's time to stop yourself from watering those seeds of negativity and start watering and feeding the seeds that bring you joy, clarity, contentment, serenity, laughter, and love. Let it steer you back to the things that build you up, that allow you to flow through life with grace and ease, that bring you joy, and that nurture your relationship with yourself.
 
The first thing I did was dive right back into my morning practice with a vengeance.  I had slacked off and obviously that wasn't working.  If I include nothing else in said practice, I absolutely meditate and journal.  The meditation clears and quiets my mind, allowing me to be open to divine guidance and wisdom.  I show myself that I am worthy of starting my day making myself and my well-being a priority. The journaling allows me to get everything out, good or bad.  Sometimes just the act of doing that will pinpoint an area where ego leads or how a habitual energy is creeping back up or shows me a habit or behavior or other positive seed that I want to nurture and encourage growth in.  It also allows me to write to the point where solutions and inspiration present themselves and clarity is mine for the taking.  They are tools in my well-being toolbox that never fail me.
 
So What I’m Saying Is…
Now, I encourage you to utilize those two tools in your day, but if you have different tools that work better for you...DO THOSE!!!  And be consistent in the use of them.  The key is to stay in touch with yourself and try not stray too far off center. That way, should something happen that does knock you off center (it absolutely will because we are human and this is life) then at least you can effortlessly swing yourself right back.  Bonus points if you are able to see how much getting knocked off track actually did benefit you!  And don't forget you don't have to do it alone.  I'm here and I'm happy to help.  Whether it's one in one coaching, my free 10 minute Mini-MasterClass, or even just small snippets of motivation and support on IG or TT.  Plus, before you know it, my online transformational course that is chock full of tools and support will be here.  You got this my friend, and I got you!