You Betcha!
There’s something really interesting that happens when you work on being present.  You start to get joy from the simple things in life.  I’ve noticed it recently when I’m not working, I’ll wander into the backyard or sit in my favorite armchair and for no apparent reason I’m filled with glee.  I don’t look for things to fill my time, I simply let myself love my life exactly as it is in that moment.  I look around, I tune into my body, and I appreciate the simple act of being.  It’s effortless, there’s nothing you actually have to do to exist, (besides eating and sleeping but you know what I mean), nothing is required of you to simply be.  It’s become so noticeable, and frequent, lately that I sparked up a conversation with my friend and tried to convey how happy I was just being.  I explained that I love reading a good book or catching up on a show on Netflix, but when I’m doing those things I’m doing.  I’m filling my time.  And while I might be filling my time with pleasant activities, it’s a different feeling than being.  After trying a few different ways of saying it I finally ended up with a statement I felt encompassed the essence of what I was trying to get across.  “There’s something so fulfilling when you stop doing and start being”.

Now I don’t know if it was the fact that my friend was slightly tipsy, but after a few seconds of pondering my statement I got a reply that shows how rare it is for us to allow ourselves to just be.  That reply was, “I don’t know if I’ve ever allowed myself to just be.  If I have, I don’t think I had a conscious awareness of it.  I always feel like I have to have a purpose or I’m not using my time well enough.”  And this was coming from somebody who’s sole Sunday plans was to lie in bed and watch tv.  No judgement, sometimes those days are just what the doctor ordered, and they definitely serve a purpose.  But it really got me to thinking, we humans are always looking for something to do.  We feel like we have to be doing something, productive or otherwise, to fill our time.  And noticing the difference recently in how I feel when I’m doing versus when I’m being, I can’t help but wonder if that mentality doesn’t just not serve us but if it is actually doing us a disservice.
 
Ironically it Takes Work
Now don’t get me twisted, this ability to simply be is a relatively new thing for me outside of meditation.  Sure, I’ve appreciated a moment just for the fact that it is here and there, but to sit and just appreciate the state of being isn’t a skill that came naturally to me after 40 years of merely surviving life.  It’s definitely something that I’ve cultivated, mostly subconsciously, the past couple years as I decided to start loving my life.  I can’t even begin to count the number of times I have sat down and thought, “wow this is a beautiful day”, then immediately picked up my phone and started scrolling through social media or reading.  If I had to pinpoint what made getting to this state possible, I’d probably have to attribute it to three things.  Meditation, Present Moment awareness, and a deep desire to feel my connection to source energy and the universe in general.  I think that’s probably the trifecta.

Seriously, think about it.  Allowing thought to slow down, connecting to stillness and silence, letting go of the past and future and focusing on the now, and really allowing yourself to feel the energy that runs through every living being and connects us.  How could you do anything other than be in those moments?  It’s a little awe inspiring, definitely joy inducing, with a touch of calm and balance thrown in the mix.  To throw away all the weights, worries, stressors, doubts, and fear is freeing.  For that moment, however long it lasts, you can simply feel joy, appreciation, satisfaction, gratitude, love, and bliss.  Because being, without all the drama and contrast we throw into it, is honestly pretty exhilarating.  I find myself nodding my head a lot in those moments.  As if on some level a part of me is saying, “yep this is what it’s all about and how lucky am I to be so blessed”.
 
Every Man for Himself! Kinda.
Getting to that moment reminds me of listening to my mentor, davidji, when he guides a meditation and says, “notice how the swirl inside of you and the swirl outside of you are slowing down”.  I feel like the vibration of source energy at large and my own bit of it that I have wrapped up in my flesh are in sync, resonating in such a way that it’s impossible to not love simply being alive in that moment.  Now that I’m aware of it I’m able to tap into that feeling at a moment’s notice with very little effort.  And I’ve seen some pretty awesome side effects of doing so.  I’m able to catch myself the moment my energy, moods, feelings, thoughts, and emotions veer into the realm of negativity much sooner than I ever have before.  Which then allows me to stop that momentum and get back to the good feeling thoughts, to get back into alignment and that higher vibration, and to get back to enjoying simply being.

I wish this was an epic blog post where I could tell you exactly how to get to that point, it’s not.  This is a state of being that each person has to cultivate on their own and in their own time.  There’s no quick fix, no instant gratification with this one my friend.  But, I will tell you what you can do to speed up the process, the things that can only aid you in getting there.  Meditate in whatever fashion you enjoy the most, practice present moment of awareness, and dive deep and learn who your authentic self is.  Allow following joy to be your priority and allow yourself to find joy in the smallest and simplest of things.  Let go of the need to do and start practicing the art of being, even in small little bursts.  Play around with it, have fun with it, get excited that you will get to that point.  Before you know it, there you’ll be.

PS. If you want to really dive deep into this stuff and want some help, maybe this is your sign that it’s time to email me and set up the call that just might change your life.  Or, if you just want a little inspo and motivation, follow me on TT or IG.

From time to time, I get the feeling it’s time to open myself up, lay myself bare, and show you what life looks like for me.  It’s the best way I can think of to show you that living a life of joy is possible even when your life isn’t “perfect”.  Even when you aren’t where you thought you’d be or wanted to be or even the dreaded should be.  This post is one of those times because I feel like the universe gave me a little wisdom that won’t just help me, but will help you too.  So, let’s do this. 
 
Origin Story
If you aren’t familiar with my origin story, or even if you are and just forgot, it’s important to know that around the time I turned 20 I got some pretty gnarly anxiety.  The easiest way to describe it is to say I suddenly had agoraphobia, the simplest way to describe it is to say my fight or flight response went haywire.  This took me from a wildly independent woman to a person who felt dependent upon her friends and family for the simplest tasks.  Driving gave young me joy and freedom, suddenly it was the most terrifying experience in my life.  Grocery shopping used to be fun, suddenly being trapped in a store was the stuff of nightmares.  Needless to say, it cut me to my core and changed me in a way that brought me to one of the lowest places in my life for a really long time.  20 years later depression was the only other thing I felt besides anxiety.  I didn’t want to live that way anymore and only saw 2 choices, end it all nor change my life.

I hope you aren’t horribly surprised to hear that I opted for the changing my life path. I mean, I’m writing this so it shouldn’t be a surprise. (I’m winking cheekily at you right now.)  I made my choice, a decision that I felt to my core, and knew my life was going to get better and become one I loved.  I didn’t know how, or what it would look like, I just trusted that it would.  And it did.  From the day I made that choice depression was gone.  I may have a down day or experience sadness, but it doesn’t ever become that all-encompassing pit of despair that I had been wrapped in before.  If you don’t know me that well, you may be hoping that this is where I share that I’m also anxiety free.  Well guess what?  I’m absolutely not.  But before you get too disappointed let’s take a look at where I’m at with that shall we?  (Just say yes and keep reading because I promise you’ll like where this is going!)
 
Sometimes Less is Awesome
So, before I decided to change my life I couldn’t do the following things without abject terror: Drive by myself, shop by myself, be in crowded places, etc.  Now I’m not saying I can do all of those things, but I have absolutely made progress on them.  I drive a little bit, pulling over to take a break when I need to, I don’t immediately panic if I get separated from whoever I went grocery shopping with, I walk to town and go to the bookstore and run smaller errands solo, I can go to concerts with friends, and I even managed to fly to Dallas to see my bestie all by my lonesome (I’m incredibly proud of that btw).  Those might seem like small things to you, but to me they are herculean strides in the right direction.  I know that as long as I keep treating myself as worthy, deserving, and capable I’ll keep making progress.  I’ll keep meditating, feeding myself well, prioritizing my mental health, get good sleep, hydrate.  I know it’s inevitable that I’ll be the freest me I can be.  So what’s the trick and why am I sharing this?  So glad you asked.

Thanks to a bevy of “teachers” I put my attention on the things that light me up and bring me joy.  I learn things and I apply them and I see progress.  But I never give anxiety my focus unless I’m smack dab in the middle of an anxiety attack.  Well, I try not to and have about a 90% success rate.  This is not a pie in the sky mentality, it’s not willful naivety or ignorance, it’s not denying anything.  It’s realizing that right now in this moment there’s not a lot I can do about it.  It is, it exists, and me thinking about it non-stop isn’t going to suddenly free me from the burden that is anxiety.  In fact, it will just give it more juice and why would I want that?  So, I focus on things I can control, I focus on things that light me up and satisfy me to the core.  And as I do that, subtle progress is made.  And it may be baby steps, but that’s still progress.  Other bonus, when my focus is on joy and satisfaction, the other areas of my life get fuller and richer and filled with abundance too.  I’m not bragging, I have a nifty point to make!
 
What’s The Point of it All?
Here we go, are you ready, it’s time to bring it all home.  Recently I had an opportunity arise that I didn’t want to turn down even though the anxiety symptoms that I do experience might make it difficult.  And just like that I was in this weird place of gratitude mixed with trepidation/disappointment.  When I tell you that the habitual energy wanted back in so bad, well it’s an understatement.  I could hear the “what’s the point, you’re useless, you don’t deserve this if you can’t even do that” self-talk building up to make an encore appearance.  I could feel sadness.  But I stopped it, because I recognized that it simply isn’t who or what or where I am anymore.  That’s an old version of me, one who clearly wasn’t very kind to herself.  So I stopped the ugly thoughts and self-talk but I was still left with a “how am I going to take advantage of this gift I’ve been given by the universe?” kind of feeling.  I was still focused on the “I have anxiety and it makes me less than capable” reality.

Well, the universe is perfect.  And I didn’t have to wait long for the gentle and loving reminder that I needed.  I was listening to Abraham Hicks in the shower (no judging please, I love listening to stuff that lifts me up when I start my day) and I was reminded that it’s none of my business.  I have a way right here and now to utilize this opportunity in a small way and I’m 100% ready and willing for more ways to flow to me.  So, my focus shouldn’t be on what’s wrong with me (PS nothing is but ego is a real bitch and sometimes says otherwise), but instead on how amazing that this opportunity even flowed my way to begin with, that I’m clearly aligning and allowing abundance to flow into my life in a multitude of fun and unexpected ways.  I’m thriving and before this little hiccup I was reveling in how blessed I am.  I have joy in my every day, I have passion and purpose, I have laughter and friendship.  Anxiety didn’t keep any of that from me because I am not anxiety.  So I’m ready for the good stuff to flow in, I’ll enjoy waiting for it, and I’ll keep getting ready to get ready.
 
So What Was That Point?
Ok to be fair there’s two points here, let me start with the biggest one first.  Just because your life isn’t where you thought you’d be, or wanted to be, doesn’t mean you can’t love it.  Just because you “have a problem” or there’s “something wrong with you” doesn’t mean wonderful won’t flow your way.  My life is full, sure I may still experience anxiety, but I still love my life.  Opportunities present themselves to me constantly.  I have made so much progress and found so much fulfillment in just a few short years.  I’m wildly happy with where I’m at in life and I know it’s just going to keep getting better and better.  Which brings me to my next point.  Don’t limit yourself, don’t put conditions or requisites on happiness, joy, and loving your life.  There are none.  You are allowed to work with what you’ve got and enjoy it.  Remove the “I’ll be happy when” statements from your life and try replacing them with “I am happy when” statements.  There’s a peace that comes with accepting what is and not fighting it.

If you want help learning how to love the life you have and allowing all the good stuff to flow to you reach out and I'll help!  If you just want some inspiration and motivation while you figure out how to do it solo, I got you there too over on IG and TT.  And if you want a starting point, why not try my 10 Minute Mini-Masterclass to release your blocks to happiness?  In it I give a couple of perspective shifts that will help you love the life you have even while you're creating a better one.

See What Happened  Was
An interesting thing happened to me today.  I received a text from a friend and my gut instinct was some annoyance mixed with a tiny bit of "can you believe this shit" outrage.  Hindsight showed me just what an ego-based victim reaction that was, but in the moment I didn't see it.  But, I had started my day with a gratitude meditation with davidji and 200 some odd fellow meditators. I recognized that this wasn't in line with how I was feeling or wanted to feel.  So, mid rant to another friend I stopped myself and said “but I want to let this go and I don't want to give it energy”. Then I asked myself how I could make a gratitude statement out of it.  And that's when my eyes opened up and I was able to see a bit more clearly.
 
The statement I came up with was Thank you, I'm so grateful you brought about a situation where I could catch myself being defensive and shine a light on an area that could use more work.  I'm so grateful the universe showed me that I am taking this, and the previous situations that led up to this, personally.  And the crazy thing was, I meant it!!!  I then remembered that everyone is doing their best, my friend was seeing the situation through their lenses, and I was seeing it through mine.  And that that is totally ok.  I don't need to see it through those lenses and vice versa. What they think is none of my business and as long as I feel like I did my best to be a good person I can let it go.  So I did, and I carried on with my day and was crazy productive and happy.  And I kind of want to celebrate my growth because I have never before let go of righteous indignation so quickly.  
 
But That's Not The Interesting Part!
I kinda wanted to make the title to this paragraph “but wait there's more” but refrained.  So, here's the interesting part.  I sat down to journal this afternoon, to let go of the day and embrace the evening, and as I did I noticed I felt odd, but not in a bad way.  In a I feel like I should still be smoldering over the situation but I'm not kinda way.  I had to remind myself that not only is it OK to not carry around upset, anger, resentment, annoyance, and negativity in general but that it's a good thing!  What was off, was that nothing was off.
 
I didn't fall into my habitual reaction, but I still noticed the habitual energy like a phantom limb hanging around ready to pop up.  It made me chuckle because I had to scan myself and say ok what's off, what do I need to deal with?  Only to realize nothing was wrong, I actually was winning at life.  How funny that being happy and carefree post-situation felt wrong, that I'm so conditioned to my old bitchy ego driven way of reacting that not doing that and releasing it in a healthy way seemed noticeably discordant.  I honestly am struggling to put the feeling into adequate words because how do you describe the feeling that releasing your toxic traits seems wrong?  
 
Isn't Ego Sneaky?
This is probably one of the most apt and poignant examples of how hard, or non-linear, and ongoing changing your life can be.  It beautifully illustrates how conditioned we are to letting ego lead, to letting negativity overrule positive coping skills, and just how addicted to drama we can be.  It shows that we unconsciously seek the comfort of the known even when it doesn’t serve us.  If I had a client come to me and tell me that story I would make them celebrate such powerful growth!  If ever there was a look how awesome you are moment that was it.  But ego hates being in the backseat and that siren song of our habitual behavior can be so alluring. So much so that you can feel like choosing the right path was a mistake.
 
And I have to be honest, I wonder how many times I've given into it instead of being deliberate about not doing so like I was today.  How long would I have let that feeling of wrongness gain momentum?  How would it have snowballed? I'm incredibly grateful I allowed myself to be open to divine wisdom and guidance though.  I did recognize it, I stopped it before it could take over.  And again with honesty, it's almost as thrilling and empowering as stopping the negative reaction earlier in the day!  There's a bit of a huh...would you look at that feel to it.  Surreal, proud, grateful, pleased and also a small bit flabbergasted. 
 
But I digress
So yeah, growth and healing and transformation isn't linear.  And you can know what you “should” be or want to be doing/behaving/responding to the upsets in life for quite some time before they stick and the knowledge gets to be effortlessly applied.  For this (and every) pretty epic win, I've also had plenty of burn the village down moments.  Cuz duh, I'm human and it happens.  But I have a sneaking suspicion that it'll be happening less and less.  And it all came about because I introduced a pattern interrupt and asked, “how can this be a gratitude statement?”.  Then I went into observer mode and I started looking at it positively.  Once I went into that perspective it just wasn't possible for me to view it any other way.  So maybe this is your sign to find your observer mode, to figure out your witness trigger, to ask more often, how your bad moment can turn into a gratitude statement. And once you do, let me know how it goes for you and if it feels as weird to you to choose joy for yourself over letting your ego feel validated.  And then when you recognize it let me know if you get excited by your progress too.

PS: Don’t forget to follow me on TT and IG for more motivation and inspiration!  And as always, if you’re ready to begin transforming your life into one you love and experience joy everyday (and want help doing it) hit your girl up cuz I got you!