​The Birthday Conundrum
I had a client recently who was stressed to the max about her upcoming birthday.  She kept wavering back and forth between ideas of what she should do.  She had years and years of conditioning that told her she needed to have a party, it had to have a theme, and she had to be in charge of making sure all her guests were fed and happy.  And every time she’d start to think about it, she’d cry.  There was nothing about the idea of having that kind of celebration that brought her joy, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that that’s what she should be doing.  Well, I asked her what would happen if she didn’t do that.  If she scaled it way back and kept it simple.  Before any ideas started flowing you could see the weight come off her shoulders and the light come back into her eyes.  It was as if she needed permission to do her birthday in a way that felt good for her and her only. 

She had an amazing birthday, in fact she managed to stretch it into a whole birthday weekend.  It was filled with little moments here and there that excited her.  She keeps trying to give me the credit, telling me it wouldn’t have happened without me, but I can’t accept that.  I just asked her what would happen if she didn’t do what she thought she should and instead did what she wanted.  The rest was all her.  She’s the one who absolutely owned celebrating her birthday in ways that brought joy to her.  She’s the one who decided nothing was going to bring her down because it wasn’t about anybody else but how she viewed it.  And in doing so, she came alive and had a magical weekend full of planned and impromptu moments that lit her up inside.  So, I have to ask you, what do you need to give yourself permission to do?
 
What If?
We humans have somehow conditioned ourselves to seek permission and guidance on how we should live our lives.  But here’s the thing, if you’re using the word should, it’s not the word want.  In fact, it’s usually the opposite.  When I say or hear the words “I should” there’s this implied guilt as if the sentence that's really coming out is “I really don’t want to but society/family/friends/religion/social media/ etc. says that’s the right way to do it”.  Is there anything more burdensome than that?  Where’s the joy?  The freedom of choice?  The inspiration?  The fun?  “I should” feels like you’re donning the heavy mantle of responsibility or conformity.  But here’s the thing, we’re all unique individuals so why would somebody else’s way be the right way for you?  Did you live an identical life with identical trials and tribulations?  Were your challenges and struggles the same as theirs?  Was each and every success in your life a mirror of theirs?  I highly doubt it.  Not that there aren’t similarities,  you can have some pretty close parallels in life, but your life is not theirs, their way may not work for you, and vice versa.  

Point being, can we maybe stop with the “I should” and start embracing the “What if”?  What if I tried it but did it my way?  What if I did something totally different?  That’s how LBL Week came about, and the amazing results I’ve seen from that are proof that doing something in a way that feels good to you, instead of how everybody else says it should be done, is a pretty amazing way to do life.  And yes, that even means following my advice or guidance.  Honestly that’s why I love being a coach, I’m asking you questions that make you look at living your life in a way that works for your unique set of circumstances and personality traits and tastes.  I can advise til the cows come home, but my favorite thing to do is ask a question that wakes you up and gets you excited to try something your way.  Let’s throw off the burden of should and start living life through the lens of what if!
 
Still Need it?
Ok my little permission goblin, still craving the acceptance and “rightness” that comes with permission?  That’s understandable.  Not everybody can be a "forgiveness instead of permission" person, at least not right off the bat.  I’m going to ask you a question that might leave you feeling off kilter here.  What if you were the person you started to get permission from?  It’s your life, your happiness, your gut instinct telling you what is right for you.  So why are you asking for anybody else’s permission?  If that sounds scary to you let me put it this way.  If you’re worried that somebody in your life won’t like you, love you, approve of your choice, respect you, etc... are they really somebody that you want in your life?  Is their approval really necessary?  They don’t have to experience your emotions and feelings, so why do they get a say?  The people who truly love you unconditionally, the ones you want in your front row, they’ll support you no matter what.  They may not understand you, heck they may even have doubts, but if they love you, they will 100% support you. 

I know that’s scary to think about.  Because there’s likely somebody in your life that won’t, and the thought of losing them is terrifying.  But there’s probably somebody else you can think of that absolutely will, and thinking of that support feels great.  Which one feels better, and which one do you want more of?  And guess what…the person who will support you…you don’t even crave their permission you're just excited to share your ideas with them.  And maybe that’s what it’s about.  Maybe what your craving isn’t permission so much as support.  So YOU be the person that gives you permission and let your front row peeps be the ones to give you support.  Don’t worry they’ll support you win or lose, achieve or fail. 
 
Permission Granted
Once you start giving yourself the permission granter status for a while, you’ll suddenly realize how free you feel.  You’ll be living life on your terms.  It might seem like that’s a lot of pressure but along with giving yourself permission, you can also grant yourself forgiveness.  You can also be your biggest cheerleader, that’s my favorite part.   So, celebrate your birthday the way you want to, not the way you think you should.  Try the career change that has been calling you, don’t stay in the job you think you should.  Ask out that sexy crush now, don’t wait until they notice you first. Love yourself, love your life and do you baby!!  And if things get scary, ask for help.  There’s no reason to do it alone, after all you have that amazing front row and if you can’t think of anybody who should be there…you have me.  I believe in you and just in case you still need it…consider this your permission to start giving yourself permission.  Want some more reminders, follow me on IG and TT.  Want some one on one support, inspiration, and cheerleading shoot me an email and let’s do this.

It Might Be Controversial But…
I recently made a post on my social media accounts that resonated with some and annoyed others (if you don’t already, follow me on IG & TT because I share some golden nuggets and each channel has mostly different content).  I said that you can’t just want to change, you have to choose to change or it won’t last.  This is actually a hill I’ll die on.  Why?  Because I’ve been in both shoes.  I’ve had clients in both shoes.  It may be a subtle difference, but there is definitely a difference.  It’s a difference in mindset, a difference in perspective, and a difference in buy in.  You can want to change until the cows come home, you may even try to change, but any change you try to make won’t last until you’ve made that choice.  It’s a whole different point of attraction.

I promise you, I absolutely know what I’m talking about.  Before I made that powerful choice to live a life of joy, a life I no longer wanted to escape, I would try to implement changes in my life, but they never lasted.  I’d try eating this way, or exercising that way, or reading this book and adopting those principles. But underneath it all I hadn’t actually chosen to change my life, I just wanted to.  The moment I made that choice to change my life into one I loved, I felt it in my whole body.  I KNEW my life was going to change.  I knew it with the same certainty I know my name or that I know I need oxygen to breathe.  I didn’t know how it would change, I had no clue what that would look like, I just knew it to the depths of my soul that it would.  And, shocker, oh boy did it! 
 
Try it Before You Buy It
Now let’s not paint a picture that isn’t true here.  Not everything I tried on for size fit me, and some things I didn’t expect to fit did.  Because when you decide to change your life in a big way (and choosing joy after not having it for so long is a pretty epic change my friend) you’re going to fumble along a bit.  Nobody gives you a guidebook and map on how exactly to get there.  (I mean, except me.  Remember, that’s kinda exactly what I do.)  But even then, you’re going to try things on for size, see how they land see if it feels right.  Some will, some won't.  Changing your life is a journey, it’s the journey to joyful.  And, lucky for us on, that journey we get to try before we buy.  The point here is that we’re excited about what we’re trying, we’ve got an open mind, and we know it’s going to let our authentic selves out for the first time in possibly ever.

When we’ve made that choice we’re attracting the things to us that will help us change and grow.  Not all the changes will last, but you better bet that a bunch of them will.  And sure, you’ll slip and stumble, maybe even fall down, but you won’t go backwards.  Because you’ve decided to change, and the moment you did that something fundamental inside of you did change. You changed your point of attraction so that you’d find the changes that work for you, the ones that absolutely will last.  Or, at the very least, the ones you’d try on for size to help clarify your vision and understanding of the person you want to be, of what brings you joy.  It’s that choice that has the transformative power, and momentum behind it, that you’ve been craving.
 
So What If You Don’t Make That Choice?
I have had clients that I’ve worked with who come to me because they want to enjoy their life.  They know life, as is, isn’t working for them.  They’re surviving, but they don’t love life and they definitely aren’t thriving.  In our work together they will even have some pretty awesome breakthroughs and perspective shifts.  Because let’s face it, if you’ve chosen to come to me the desire to change your life is pretty strong within you.  They’ll be happy for a bit, think they have a handle on things, and go their own way deciding they no longer need my services.  But then, they slowly slide back into the habits, behaviors, and thought patterns that didn’t serve them in the first place.  The change they experienced didn’t last, and not because they were no longer working with me, but because they never chose change in the first place.  They just wanted it. 

Let me be clear, the clients I’ve worked with that didn’t just want to change but chose change, and got to a place where they feel they could go it alone, they are thriving.  Here’s a secret, your coach isn’t the one who makes thriving in life possible.  Nope it was that choice you made to change that did it.  I just give you a safe space and some inspiration to figure out what that change looks like for you.  The sweet souls that slid back into old habits and patterns, they never made that choice, never felt that internal click that comes with aligning with choosing joy.  That moment still may come, they’re closer now than they were before, it’s right there for the taking.  But, to answer a question somebody asked in a live not to long ago, what happens if you know you should change but don’t want to... nothing.  Or at least nothing significant.  You have to buy into the changes and do it because you know you’re ready, otherwise they simply won’t last.
 
But Change is Scary!
Like I’ve said, you have to make that choice.  You have to choose a life of joy, and prioritizing your wellness.  Because if you don’t, you may want it but you’re still chasing it.  You’re sticking to the comfortably familiar, even if it doesn’t serve you, because radically changing your life is scary AF.  And let me tell you, when you make this choice your life will change drastically, but it’s actually not as scary as you think.  The universe knows exactly what needs to happen and when.  It’s not going to pop up and say hey, jump up to the top of that 10,000 foot mountain right this second.  Nope, it’s going to show you a path that takes you 100 feet where you get to rest until you catch your breath, then it’ll show you a path that takes you the next 100 feet, then the next 50, then the next 500, and so on and so on.  And with every change in elevation you’ve changed on a fundamental level, you won’t go back. 

And you’ll have moments where you’re scared shitless that you will slide back down, but you won’t.  Will you be perfect and never experience lows, or pains, or old habits…no…no you definitely won’t.  Because you’re human.  Will you never take a detour because a squirrel caught your attention…no…no you won’t because…that’s right you’re human.  But you’ve made the choice and you can’t help but continue up because that’s what you told the universe you wanted.  And all of a sudden, a little ways along your journey, you realize that you’re having fun just taking the journey.  You know you aren’t at the top yet, but you’re enjoying the getting there.  You’ll realize that joy isn’t at your final destination, but something that’s available to you right now while you’re on your journey.
 
Final Destination
If you haven’t made the choice to actually start the journey, if you don’t have that end result, that mountain top, as a set destination... you’ll just keep wandering around lost and not as happy as you could be because you’re wandering aimlessly.  Sure, you might have some fun along the way, but you always come back to recognizing that you’re right back where you started.  So you have to make that choice, you have to have your ultimate destination in mind.  You have to decide that you ARE changing.  I promise you, once you do life becomes magical and all the changes that you make have a very lasting effect.  So, have you made your choice?  If you haven’t but you’re close, I guarantee the moment you do you’ll feel that rightness click into place.  And if you want help navigating from there, I got you.

Does Anybody Else Have Epiphanies in the Shower?
I was listening to Abraham in the shower this morning and they said something that resonated with me.  It wasn’t earth shattering or groundbreaking.  I’ve heard it from them before.  I’ve heard variations of it from others. But for some reason it really landed in the shower this morning.  Perhaps I needed the reminder.  When you want something that hasn’t happened yet remind yourself of growing corn.  You don’t plant the seed and wonder why you don’t have corn the next day.  You trust that it’s coming, you nurture it, and eventually that trust and patience get rewarded when it’s time to harvest your bounty.  I think it’s a good way to be.  Simply know the outcome is inevitable even if you don’t see it happening.  It’s similar to how Mike Dooley says the universe is conspiring on your behalf and there’s a lot of stuff behind the scenes going on that you aren’t even aware of.  In other words, don’t worry about what you see happening because you don’t know the half of it, instead have trust that all falling into place just as it should.

It's a funny thing, because we want so badly to look with our eyes and say, “well it isn’t here yet” and then focus on that lack.  Which, let’s face it, isn’t really a great feeling.  Scarcity doesn’t feel good.  And it’s also a pretty crappy point of attraction right?  And I get it, with no proof, it can be a challenge to hold onto the faith that it will all work out the way you want.  It’s easy to look at your current circumstances and only see the lack of it in your life.  So really it boils down to, how can we nurture that unwavering faith and trust that the final result is definitely coming?  How can we tap into that part of ourselves and let go of clinging to what we don’t yet have?  I think it all boils down to a perspective shift.  And perhaps it’s one that has to happen in increments, but I definitely think it’s possible.
 
Shifting the Perspective
It seems to me that the biggest hurdle is looking at the now and not seeing that which you desire.  Which leaves your point of focus and point of attraction on the lack of it, on the scarcity.  So, let’s go ahead and look at the now and see if we can’t reframe it.  Have there been instances in your life where you did have faith that something would happen, and it came to fruition even if you didn’t have a guarantee that it would?  If so, you can use that to remind you that it’s possible.  Because a lot of faith starts by simply allowing for the possibility of a thing.  And even if you don’t have that past “proof” you can still start there.  I’m not asking you to believe that a thing is true right now, I’m not saying that it might not be far-fetched, I’m not asking you if it would be difficult or if it would be hard.  The ONLY thing I’m asking you is, is it possible? 

Your response might be, well sure if x, y, and z happened I suppose it’s possible.  Rad, get rid of all the extraneous stuff, let’s just stick with it is possible.  Sit with that for a little bit.  “It’s possible that I can insert your desire here.  I know that it’s possible.  The hows and whys aren’t a concern of mine, all I have to know right now is it is possible.”  Just like we don’t know exactly what’s going on under the soil when we plant corn, we don’t have to know what’s happening to make our desire a reality, just that it’s possible for it to happen.  Sit with that for a while until you actually get pretty comfortable with it.  Is it possible, heck yeah it’s possible!  And all of a sudden, your set point isn’t one of scarcity, it’s one of possibility.  You’re attracting from a place of possibility.  And every time you’re tempted to say, “but it isn’t happening right now”, I want you to stop yourself and say, “But it is absolutely possible”.
 
Now Add a Little Spice!
Ok so now we’re at place where you know that the thing is possible.  There’s trust that it is a possibility.  Have others made it happen?  Cool, you can have a bit more faith that it’s possible it can happen for you.  Even if not, have there been thousands and thousands of years where people made stuff happen even when nobody else had before?  Rad, why not you?!  And we sprinkle in a bit more faith that the end result is gonna happen.  It’s kinda fun.  We took the pressure off of having it happen to just being a possibility that it could happen.  But why not kick it up a notch?  Why not add a little spice and seasoning?  Why not make that belief easier to feel and strengthen our set point and point of attraction?  How?  Oh, I’m so glad you asked.

I want you to imagine what it would feel like if this desire manifested into reality for you.  Let’s play a fun version of What If! (For anybody who’s ever experienced anxiety and the maddening feeling of what if this bad thing happens, this is how we take the power back and make What If work for us btw.)  What if you got what you wanted?  What if everything went your way? How would you feel?  What would you do?  Fantasize, visualize, make a list, journal as if you’re past the point where it came true.  Do whatever is easiest for you to picture life once it came true, but fully immerse yourself in the experience and have fun with it.  I want you to feel those feelings.  Do it for as long as it feels good, even if you can only hold it for a minute at first you can keep working your way up to longer.  In fact, aim for 5 minutes.  Then remind yourself it might be even better than you are imagining.  At the end of that experience say out loud, “Yep, all that is definitely possible”.  Because if the desire is possible, all that fun stuff you just pictured is also possible.
 
And Then...
Eventually you’ll get to a place where all of that is easy.  You’re fully owning the possibility of it all and that’s all you need.  Before you know it, little things will start happening to show you that you’re on the way to that thing happening.  All of a sudden you start getting that “proof”.  It’s tempting at this point to worry about timing, but just like a growing season for any crop, we don’t rush the crop or worry why it isn’t growing faster.  We know that it’s happening in a timeframe that supports maximum output.  If it comes too soon we may get a freeze that knocks it out, so we don’t rush it.  Same thing with our desires.  We allow divine timing.  When we get our little signs, we celebrate and just shore up our set point of possibility even more firmly.

Before long you realize that having the faith that everything is working out exactly as it ought to, is way easier than you thought it could be.  I can’t even tell you how many times I’ll feel a little doubt start niggling and I remind myself of what Mike says.  You don’t know what’s happening behind the scenes, and there’s a lot happening to make sure your desire manifests brilliantly.  The second I say that, I’m able to let go of the doubt.  Then I go and celebrate all the things that are working out for me, I make gratitude lists for the things that have and are absolutely going my way.  I’ve planted my seeds, I’m nurturing them, and I have absolute trust and faith that my bounty will be even more brilliant than I can possibly imagine.
 
Shameless Self Promotion
So give that a try and see the way your perspective starts shifting.  And, if you want to make your dreams a reality even faster, one of the best things you can do is focus on finding your joy in life.  I offer a free, 10 minute Mini-Masterclass that helps you get rid of some of the biggest hurdles you have to loving your life.  Give it whirl, what’s the worst that can happen, you’ll feel happier?  Also, don’t forget to follow me on TikTok and Instagram because there’s little golden nuggets throughout the week and the content is different on both platforms.  Have a fantastic week my friends, you deserve it!!

​What I Noticed
One of the cool parts of being a coach is that I don’t just have the feedback from my own personal experience, but also the feedback of clients and friends who’ve participated in some of my challenges and programs.  You may be asking why I felt the need to share this with you but it’s because I’ve actually had some really interesting feedback from clients and realizations of my own since we did the LBL Week challenge.  And here’s the really cool thing, all of it has been overwhelmingly positive!  There are a few similar themes, a few parallels, and some differences too.  But none of it was negative feedback, not that I thought it would be, but some of this is stuff I didn’t really anticipate.

I will say the level and speed with which these results were seen varied on how open people were to shifting their perspective to (and I cringe at using this term because I know people automatically assume it’s woo woo but hear me out…) a more spiritual one.  JUST WAIT! First let me share with you my definition of spirituality so you maybe don’t feel like running for the hills if “spirituality” is not your thing.  This comes from my teacher and mentor davidji, “Spirituality is simply the journey we each take from our current version of ourselves to our most divine version – our most self-actualized version – where we touch perfection, glimpse clarity, bask in brilliance, and receive insights.  But it’s not a one-way voyage – it’s a round-trip experience; we get to integrate the best version of ourselves back into our day to day life and incorporate these transformational life lessons into our thoughts, words, and actions.”.  (See, not so bad right?) Those that had that open mindedness, or even just embraced that perspective saw a fairly radical shift pretty quickly.  Those that didn’t really make spirituality a way of living didn’t see as lasting of an effect, but absolutely still noticed positive results.  So let me share with you what they were.
 
The More Spirituality Inclined
I mean, we know I’m a pretty spiritually open-minded person, if I do say so myself.  There may be quite a ways to go on my journey but my mind is wide open to possibilities and guidance.  Some of the people who participated in LBL Week may not be as gung ho or woo-woo inclined as I am, but they have an open mind and a willingness to explore a different perspective.  For those of us more on this side of the sliding scale there was a basic trend that happened.  Sheer joy and coming alive during the week itself, followed by productivity, followed by a “slump” (and by that I mean a slowing down of momentum), followed by a tiny bit of worry but willingness to just let it go, followed by a complete allowing as opposed to chasing.  And that allowing, and the realization thereof, was a total game changer.  Let me elaborate.

On the journey to joyful you find yourself in a place where you are excited to change your life.  The universe works with you, you notice synchronicity left and right, things fall into place.  You make a choice to change your life and it happens.  But here’s the kicker, you’re usually pretty active in making that happen.  It may not be a battle, you may not be chasing joy per se, but you are definitely actively pursuing it.  And honestly, there’s nothing wrong with that because for the most part it’s an enjoyable experience and you learn a lot from it.  However, when you do LBL Week you’re telling yourself I’ve taken all the action, done all the groundwork, and now I’m reaping the rewards and luxuriating in the final results.  It’s a pretty big mindset shift, but you’re “only doing it for a week” so you never question it.  And as you’re in that mindset you don’t question when the good stuff starts flowing your way, you allow it.  Well for those of us who decided to make this a lifestyle change instead of just a week long challenge, that mindset stayed and, without realizing it at first, we never stopped the allowing process.
 
Allowing Continued
Now remember I said there was a slump and tiny bit of worry?  This was when we went from actively trying to be that best version to accepting that we were and not pursuing it.  There was a moment for each of us when we actually chose to not worry about it and just go with the flow.  That moment is when the magic happened, that choice to allow.  We all have different careers and lifestyles but we took a step back and just let the days play out the way they were going to.  If we felt inspired to do something, we’d do the thing.  If we knew we had a task that had to be accomplished we didn’t worry about how or when it would get done, we accepted that it would.  If we didn’t know what to do, we’d just do something that brought us joy until we were inspired to do something else.  There was a comfort in knowing we didn’t have to worry about it, after all we’re living our best lives and everything just works out.  But even then we didn’t realize that’s what we were doing!

Ok, you may be saying, “Lindley how could you not know, you just said you made a choice?”.  And you’re right, we did make a choice but the choice wasn’t “to allow” it was to not worry about it.  But in doing that, in choosing not to worry, we were choosing to let life just flow while we enjoyed the ride.  We were choosing to allow.  Then, a little later on, we realized what we had done, and how it served us.  And boy did it serve us!  Here’s some feedback; “I feel judgment free”, “I’m not stressing about anything”, “I’m really proud of myself”, “I’m happier than I’ve been in a really long time”, “I feel super productive”, “I’m loving myself”, “I’m high on life”.  What’s really awesome about hearing people talk about themselves like that is the sense of freedom and joy that comes across in these discussions.  One person even uncovered their passions and a new purpose that they are beyond excited to explore!  And all this because of a one week challenge!  Ok maybe a bit more than that, because hi…you spend some time with a coach who’s all about helping you love your life and things are bound to rub off...but you know what I mean.
 
Towards the Other End of the Spectrum
Now I love people who embrace the spirituality inclined path, but it isn’t a prerequisite to working with me or doing the LBL Week Challenge.  As long as you have decided you’re going to start loving your life, are ready to make some changes, and are excited for the journey… then we’re a good a fit and so is the challenge.  So let me share with you the experiences on the other end of the embracing spirituality sliding scale.  These are my people who embraced the challenge and allowed themselves to have fun with it.  And they did have fun!  They were productive, they saw little moments of habitual behaviors from their old versions pop up and recognized where they could release them, they were excited to be their best selves and delighted in the good that flowed to them.  Now one of those people is currently doing the week over again because she, “just loved who I was during that week”.  For her the effects didn’t necessarily last in their entirety, but the memories and feelings from the week did.

She didn’t decide to make it a lifestyle change but instead simply embraced the week long challenge.  And by the way, that’s 100% ok.  There’s no wrong or right way to do this challenge.  In fact I’m thrilled that she loved that week so much she’s doing it all over again this week.  Because you can absolutely do this challenge as often as you’d like.  But to her, as much as she was ok with embracing it for a week she struggled to believe that she was that version all the time.  She’s far enough on the spiritual spectrum to be able to visualize the best, “most divine” version of herself, just not quite far enough down to take that version of herself back into her everyday life.  But she wants it, and every time we speak I can see her shifting that mindset more and more.  I’ve digressed a bit but the point is, the challenge had enough of an effect that she’s doing it again.  So she’s still in pursuing it mode and not quite in allowing it mode but I bet you eventually she’ll get to the same place.  And I have to be honest, I’m excited as hell because once she gets there it is going to be such a beautiful thing to watch her come alive even more than she already has!
 
Moral of the Story
So, as you can see, there were no downsides to this challenge from any of the participants who shared their experience with me.  For some it was life altering, for some it was just a week of loving their life.  But for everyone it was an experience that they’ll never forget.  Honestly, for those who didn’t have that earth shattering, life altering experience I know it’s jus a matter of time.  Before they know it they’ll have also chosen to allow instead of chase, to let life flow instead of needing to take action.  I’m floored by how deeply this experience effected everybody in the best possible way.  Personally, I’m also really happy to keep allowing life to happen.  I’m no longer worried about hows and whens.  Instead, I’m totally here for the journey itself, eagerly anticipating the unfolding of life.  My goal is now, and has been since the day I made my fateful choice, joy.  And there is no shortage of that in my life at all. 

If you haven’t done LBL Week and would like to here’s the link to my free guide to setting yourself up for success.  Don’t forget I’m all over Tiktok and Instagram sharing ways for you to enjoy your journey to joyful so give me a follow.  And, as always, if you’re interested in more in-depth, one on one help, reach out and we can schedule a free discovery session to see if personal coaching is a good fit for you.